From a Therapist’s Perspective
During this isolated time, you feel alone. You have never felt so alone having to distance beyond measure. You never imagined being in this world, in this way! Being separated from loved ones at a time when all you want is to be close to them. You may not be able to see family members or friends because they are still working, or coming in contact with others or exposing themselves to the virus whether it is because of work, or needing to go to the store for groceries or just needing to get into the elevator to get to your apartment! The unknown in scary, but you are not alone.
I know I have said, ” I don’t have time to exercise.” We all know that is not the truth now; and you will feel refreshed and energized after the experience. Try it out. See if it feels right for you.
Perhaps you have always wanted to paint; now is the perfect time to give it a shot! Painting can be very relaxing and take your mind off of everything. Let your feelings out on paper or canvas.
What about cooking? If you never had time to make meals at home, now you can! Pinterest has lots of different recipes. Try a different way of eating. Sometimes the food you are eating can affect the way you feel as well. Try eating plant based, or keto, or Whole30. Experiment and see what you like. You have heard of these things, but never actually looked into it. Now you can! And the best way to try new ways of eating like this is by preparing and cooking your meals at home. Make it a family activity.
What about reading? I love to read and can recommend endless books that I have enjoyed over the years. Enjoy fiction. Escape into a whole new world through a good book. Or, learn something new. Read about a new topic, learn a new skill or read a good biography or autobiography.
Use This Time To Grow Your Brain!
2.) Better yourself.
Look into your future. It can be a scary time if you are laid off and you don’t know where you are going from here. It may not feel like it now, but now may be the time for you to think, plan and make new goals for the future. Were you happy with your last employer? I mean really happy or did it just put food on the table? Was your job just a pay check to pay your bills? Maybe now is the time to learn a new skill, make yourself more marketable, update your resume and really assess your skills. You may be scared, but this can be a blessing in disguise.
Learn something new. Develop new skills. We spend most of our lives at work. Think about learning more about something you LOVE to do. Something that makes you PROUD.
For the first time ever in my lifetime, literally everyone can relate. You are bored, and you are frustrated not to mentioned scared. I get it; trust me I really do. Again we are all in this together. You finally have the time that you have always wanted and now you don’t know what to do with it! The only freedom we have right now is time. Cherish it and make it work for you.
Do you realize that you have the opportunity to actually change your routine through all of this. You may not want to. If you loved the way life was before Covid 19 and you want your old life back, then stick to that routine. Go to bed and wake up as if nothing changed. Keep the same patterns; shower and get dressed and go about your daily routines but in your home. But if you weren’t happy with your life, you have the time to consider changing your lifestyle!
Let me help by giving you three suggestions to consider now that you have all this time:
1.) Pick up a new hobby.
Whether cooking or crafting or exercising or reading, there are so many great hobbies out there that people don’t have the time for through the hustle and bustle of the everyday rat race. People get caught up and say, “I don’t have time.”
Something you look forward to doing. Would you feel better about your job if you were helping people? Would you love to go to work if you were working with animals or if you were traveling? The way I see it, this tragedy has wiped the slate clean clean,giving us more level grounding. Everyone will be looking for jobs at the end of this, and although there may be great deal of competition for hiring, at the same time more opportunity opens up.
Use this time to prepare yourself for the competition and the demand. Remember as one door closes another door opens. Prepare yourself. In this day of technology, you can learn almost anything online. So, learn and prepare. And again, don’t forget that you are not in this alone!
And my last suggestion:
3.) Zoom, Facetime, Skype, Connect
Stay connected with your loved ones that you can’t see every day. You have all of this time and you can keep in touch. You may even rekindle old relationships with awesome technologies such as facetime and zoom. Take advantage of this time. Perhaps TIME is your gift through this pandemic.
My daughter had her first son on March 13th, my first grandson. Scary, YES! Living in New York, the epicenter of the Covid 19 outbreak. Yes, very scary. He was due April 2nd but had to be induced for medical issues. Scary indeed. Then we were told no visitors at the hospital. She had him early enough that her husband was allowed to be at the birth, which was another gift. I couldn’t imagine her having to give birth now or even just days after she did. We were so blessed.
Although I was only able to meet him once, before the lock down in NYC happened, I see him every day through our video chats and I still feel extremely connected. I’ve watched him fill out, gain weight, open his eyes and become so much more alert through our daily zoom sessions. And, I’m GRATEFUL for the lock down because that is keeping them safe and us healthy during this critical time in history.
In addition, I have reconnected with friends and family that
I haven’t spoken to in a while because we often feel there just is not enough time. This time has given me opportunity to think about who and what is important in my life and has led to my reaching out to some that I have not made time for in years. We are all in this together and we all need one another to get through this together. Reach out, connect and let people know they are important to you.
I am very grateful that I am able to still see my clients and offer people services that can help them get through this stressful time. If you are interested in meeting me over the phone, through zoom or skype, and want to talk through some of your fears and emotions, I would love to meet you as well. I am here to offer strategies, techniques, advice, or simply to connect with someone through this time, I am here. Yes, this is an awful and scary time, nothing I ever could have imagined happening in my lifetime. The severity of it is real and the unknown can be terrifying. Now is the time to change yourself for the better and to gain the strength you need to get through this crisis.
Just like you, I have time to help you develop skills and strategies to be ready for the future and of course, from behind a computer screen, while social distancing. Stay safe. Remember you are not in this alone! Join me on facebook today! ReplyForwar
So many people of so many faiths, right in the middle of Covid 19 are attempting to acknowledge Holy Season . A time of great reflection in the spiritual sense during a normal Holy Season but currently, reflection is so much more intense. All of humanity is going through this pandemic together. Reflecting on our faiths, our values, our morality is an everyday process. Asking ourselves questions like, “Who do we want to authentically be during our time here on earth?” Never have we been more connected to one another globally. Have we ever felt more vulnerable as a species.?Covid 19 , for many of us, has been a wake up call. The Corona virus has helped us clearly see what is important to us. What we thought was important before the virus, may be thought to be unimportant, superficial and meaningless in the world of Covid 19 and the days to follow. So how will Covid 19 change you?
We can look at the Pandemic as an opportunity to change ourselves for the better. Become better neighbors to those living in our own communities. We can become better neighbors to those living all over the globe. Try to help. Be more considerate. Reach out in new ways to make our planet a safer place in which to live. Make humanity and societies more aware and considerate of each other. Look closer at how we are taking care of our planet. Begin to care more. Give more. Do more to make our world a better and safer place.
See each other as a true brotherhood or family. We are all in this together. All over the world, every color, every faith, every sex, every age and possibly every species including all living things are connected! People as well as inhabitants of this great earth are connected. Respect all and take better care.
During this Holy Season, let’s ask our great Lord to help us learn, live and grow from this catastrophic pandemic. Help us to trust in His wisdom. Trust that good will come out of all this fear, loss and pain. When we do get through this pandemic, help us to love one another and to reach out to the many who will be in need. And let us not forget to be grateful to all the good Lord has given us in order to get through this painful and frightening time.
Much of life that is beyond our control but rarely are we so aware of this lack of control. Currently, that is all we can think about. There seems to be no control over Covid-19 and that fact is frightening. The medical community is working so hard, exposing themselves to this virus daily to help those infected. All of the “essential workers” are out there everyday doing what they can to keep us able to hunker and hide as best we can from this contagious disease. Unfortunately, there is no better time to surrender to, “Let Go and Let God”.
What does “Let Go and Let God” mean? Obviously, we surrender to the power greater than ourselves. Sadly, we have no power over this virus. It is taking the lives of a significant percentage of our family called humankind. This family of humankind, all over the world, is connected, struggling and fighting to survive this deadly disease.
Perhaps We Should All Pray
Suddenly becoming aware of how connected we all are, we notice how those connections have fostered the spread of this virus. The virus itself is under God’s power. Perhaps we should all pray taking time each day to pray for humankind.
Absolutely be specific and pray for those sick with this deadly disease. Clearly send blessing for those caring for the sick. Particularly ask for help for those carrying the disease that they become mindful and practice behaviors that will stop the spread. Certainly request protection for those who are ill, old and vulnerable to the disease. Especially ask for enlightenment for those who are young and feeling invincible, that they recognize they too need to be socially responsible and become more mindful of their behaviors.
Additonally, let us not forget to include blessings for the world and our nation. Pray we all get through this difficult time and rise to the occasion in doing what we can to help each other out. Ask that we learn to live in a manner that is socially responsible, connected and well meaning, here and across the globe.
What Can We Do?
Specifically what can we do while we hunker down in our homes for weeks, in order to stop the contamination of our fellow humans? Take this time to learn to take care of ourselves. Practice good hygiene and become mindful of our own practices. At the same time, stay away from social interactions. Conscientiously keep safe and healthy. In so doing, we take care of all those around us by not spreading this virus. Right now, this is our only course of action.
Thank God, most families have access to computers or smart phones. Skype, Facetime, Zoom or whatever other technology is out there to check in and connect with those we love. Obviously, encourage everyone you love to follow safe practices: no socializing, good hygiene, washing ourselves, all surfaces, all clothes that have been in contact with the world outside of our homes and stay positive. In addition, remind one another to support one another, love one another and look to the future. This too shall be behind us in what we all hope to be the not to distant future.
Think Ahead. Plan.
Other questions to ask yourself: Firstly, what can we do to feel productive during this time? Secondly, how do we help ourselves? Thirdly, are there strategies to help allay our fears, panic, depression and anxiety. I know that many of us are not working and therefore not making an income. However, the bills don’t stop piling up. Lack of money does not feed our families. Although this is true, you are not alone. Most of the population has these precise concerns.
We have time to get through. Nothing will rush our getting through this. We are all in the same situation. Bills will pile up. If there is no money coming in, you can’t pay those bills. Hence, the government has declared a state of emergency. Many of us are feeling like we can’t trust the government to take care of us. Maybe we can’t. So what can we be doing now, while hunkering down for 3 or more months?
Why not learn a new skill? Create a new you to market when life is up and running again. Think ahead and plan for the future. Almost everything can be learned online. Allow yourself to get creative. Permit yourself to get optimistic. And finally get moving forward even if you don’t leave the house!
This is the time that you never have time for! Use it. Think ahead. What will the world be looking like in a few months or more. What will be needed? Can you prepare? Additionally, how can you participate in what the world needs? Think creatively. Furthermore, be the best you can be now and in the future.
Life turned upside down and inside out. My beautiful, wonderful, charming, fun loving and fun sharing son, caught up in the world of drugs, lost his life in April of 2018. Let me share some of what I have learned over these challenging years.
Don’t Let It Be YOU.
First of all, addiction can hit anyone so don’t let it be you. Addiction is a disease. No one wants or chooses to be an addict. It’s an insidious disease that creeps up on you while you are growing up and are not in a mind set that allows for good decision making. Often times it develops before your brain has even developed fully; before you are able to make good decisions. It develops during a time when you are experimenting with various behaviors, trying to grow up, trying on grown up behaviors, socializing, drinking, partying and just trying to fit in. Adolescence, the most difficult years, because you are trapped between childhood and adulthood, is often the time when addictions can take over.
Adolescence is a Difficult Time.
During adolescence, you work so hard at growing up. You think you make decisions about who you are, what you do, and believe will lead to good results. However, you are confused, insecure, and attempting to develop your own personal identity.
The young person begins to separate from parents. He/She rejects what the parents want. This happens at a time when the adolescent doesn’t know much about life or where to go in life. Someone offers drugs. All these young people, many friends are doing the drugs. So the unhappy adolescent tries it, never expecting the drugs to take over. Unfortunately, the addict doesn’t know he’s an addict until s/he starts with drugs.
You May Be Born With Addiction
I believe an addict enters the world with his/her addictions. Pay attention to family history. Are there addicts or history of mental illness in the family? Cousins, grandparents, aunts or uncles? If the answer is yes, you are at greater risk for substance abuse and addiction. The addict has no idea that s/he may have an allergic reaction to drugs or alcohol and so s/he experiments. S/he tries a substance and finds s/he likes the feeling of getting high. S/he likes the altered state the substance gives her/him. So, the experience is enjoyed and repeated over and over again.
Additionally, more drugs introduced. More drugs experienced. Nothing bad has happened, explore more? Move on to more addictive drugs. At the same time, you are in this vulnerable stage in life. Your altered state makes you feel good. You still don’t know who you are and what you want to do with life, but the substance makes you worry less about life and decisions you need to make. Drugs allow you to escape your anxieties. You continue to use, explore, expand your experience with drugs. Eventually, you are addicted.
Addiction Is Not A Choice
Unfortunately, there is no free will. Choice doesn’t exist. The cycle builds momentum and becomes bigger than you. Living in the “underworld” of drugs, crime, lies, deception. You’re drowning in the insanity of addiction believing there is no way out because you “have” to get high. You need the drug. And the drug runs you. Now and for the rest of your life, you are an addict.
Say No To Drugs; Don’t Even Try Them.
Firstly, be aware of your family history and teach your children when addiction runs in your family. Tell them, don’t take the risk particularly, when your risk is high. Drugs not only ruin your life taking away all of your potential for a happy and healthy life; they often take your life. Don’t get caught up in the insanity of addiction. This insanity makes you believe you control how far this goes but you are out of control. Love yourself. Be patient with yourself. Allow yourself to grow up healthy. Don’t start using drugs. You don’t know if you will have an addictive reaction. It happens fast. Don’t let it happen to you. YOU MATTER. ADDICTION CAN HIT ANYONE. DON’T LET IT BE YOU.
How many people look for the answers on line and expect to learn from them, grow from them and apply them to their lives with only the investment of reading on line? I make lots of suggestions on strategies to help get through life challenges. Have you read them? Followed them? Or done the work to make some of the strategies new habits? Seriously, has any change taken place?
Are You Moving Forward?
Honestly, the greater question is, how badly do you want things to change in your life. Are you struggling with a relationship, or relationships in general? Perhaps you are struggling with your child and having trouble with parenting issues? Maybe you are feeling badly about yourself and just feeling low self esteem? Likewise, are you unhappy with work and feeling “stuck” where you are and not knowing which way to go to get unstuck? Unfortunately, you could be depressed? Likewise, do you always see the negative and struggle to find the positive in life? Unfortunately, you are always feeling grey, dark and dismayed.
Consequently, you are unhappy with your life? What exactly has to change in order to make you happy with your life, in order for you to feel happy? This is an important question to answer. Moreover, once you can answer this question, you can begin to make changes. Then, you can begin to create the life you want.
Don’t Continue to Feel Bad; Get Help.
However, sometimes you need help in asking those hard questions. Obviously, only you can find your own answers, but learning to ask the right questions can be a process and that process may be best learned with guidance. Call Madelynan Doyle, LMHC, Ph.D. at 516 236 3290 or email : mdoyle@yourexcellencewithin.org in order to set up an appointment via phone, skype or office visit. It’s not always as easy as reading the answers on line. Sometimes, we need some professional assistance. Call or email today. Don’t stay “stuck” where you are; learn how to move on and move forward.
https://animoto.com/play/gxlT1LZ0eefWAb1j9zZJ8A
While working with a lovely young lady I realized that she hates herself. She has not found a place to belong in this world. In her mid-twenties, she has a career goal; however, that is her only goal. She finds herself with no friends and solely dependent on her family: loving them yet at the same time, hating them because of this dependency.
She is stuck in this unhappy place in her own head. As a victim, believing the stories she has told herself, keeping her trapped and unhappy.Many of these stories have been reinforced by the people she most loves. Her fear of changing these beliefs is more frightening than remaining trapped, stuck and very unhappy. Can you relate?
It’s About The Stories We Tell Ourselves
Many people contribute to the development of self image: parents, siblings, friends, relatives, teachers, religious leaders and everyone else that comes into your life. If not careful, the world could develop your self-image rather than you creating you.
I remember having a math teacher tell my mother that “I just didn’t have a math mind. I was a C math student.” Now, if I were a different type, I could have accepted that as a part of me and then given myself permission to just be a C math student. Instead, I was so angry she labeled me that I had to prove her wrong and worked like a dog to be an A math student.
However, in my early years as a student, a teacher told my mother “An Artist, she is not.” I was too young to get angry at an adult. I accepted this as a fact, and never developed skills as an artist. Be careful of what messages we give others. Also realize, that it is up to you to accept or reject these so-called facts about who you are. If you accept what others say about you as truths, then you let others determine who you are and what you will become. Or, work really hard and create your own self-image.
What do we choose to believe?
Who do you want to be an expert on you? You, or someone or everyone out there thinking they know who you are? When you give others the power, you will never be happy with you. When you take responsibility for who you are, you can begin to feel better about you. Don’t give up the power. That’s when you feel trapped, stuck and very unhappy.
Your power is within you. Find your excellence within. If you need some help, guidance or simple support in creating you, give me a call at 516-236-3290. You don’t have to be in the area. I have phone sessions, skype sessions and of course office sessions. If you think I can help, give me a call.
Be sure to check out my E-Books through Amazon.com.
And if you want more on values, beliefs and life philosophies, be sure to read this.
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It is the beginning of the holiday season once again. My favorite holiday is probably Thanksgiving Day. You don’t have to worry about finding the right gifts for all the significant people in your life. You simply spend time with those you love and those you appreciate and it’s the time to reflect on all for which you are grateful. You get in touch with your blessings. There really isn’t a better day. Everyday should be Thanksgiving.
If we spent a little time each day considering our blessings, we would all feel much better. We would look at the world from a position of gratitude and the negativity would fall away. When you stop and think of your blessings, what happens to your face? Can you feel yourself smile or smirk. Doesn’t it bring joy to heart? Of course it does. Life can be challenging and not every situation brings a smile to your face. You may find yourself disheartened or depressed in some situations. But, stop and think. Look past whatever it is that is bringing you down and focus on something for which you are genuinely grateful. Concentrate on whatever it is that you appreciate and feel blessed for having. Concentrate on that feeling of being blessed. Truly be grateful. Feel the blessing. Realize that you are indeed blessed. Once you really feel the blessing, ask yourself, how did I get this blessing? Where did it come from? Then, realize you are not alone. You are loved. You are indeed blessed. Happy Thanksgiving and give thanks.
If you are having a hard time finding gratitude, feeling blessed and missing joy, don’t get stuck. Reach out and ask for help. Call 516-236-3290 and set up an appointment. You do not have to be in the area. I have sessions in my office, over the phone and of course through Skype. Don’t struggle alone. We all need support.
