"Put your heart, mind, and soul into even your smallest acts.
This is the secret of success."
Swami Sivananda
This is the secret of success."
Swami Sivananda
3 Strategies During Social Distancing
From a Therapist’s Perspective
During this isolated time, you feel alone. You have never felt so alone having to distance beyond measure. You never imagined being in this world, in this way! Being separated from loved ones at a time when all you want is to be close to them. You may not be able to see family members or friends because they are still working, or coming in contact with others or exposing themselves to the virus whether it is because of work, or needing to go to the store for groceries or just needing to get into the elevator to get to your apartment! The unknown in scary, but you are not alone.
You Are Not Alone
I know I have said, ” I don’t have time to exercise.” We all know that is not the truth now; and you will feel refreshed and energized after the experience. Try it out. See if it feels right for you.
Perhaps you have always wanted to paint; now is the perfect time to give it a shot! Painting can be very relaxing and take your mind off of everything. Let your feelings out on paper or canvas.
What about cooking? If you never had time to make meals at home, now you can! Pinterest has lots of different recipes. Try a different way of eating. Sometimes the food you are eating can affect the way you feel as well. Try eating plant based, or keto, or Whole30. Experiment and see what you like. You have heard of these things, but never actually looked into it. Now you can! And the best way to try new ways of eating like this is by preparing and cooking your meals at home. Make it a family activity.
What about reading? I love to read and can recommend endless books that I have enjoyed over the years. Enjoy fiction. Escape into a whole new world through a good book. Or, learn something new. Read about a new topic, learn a new skill or read a good biography or autobiography.
Use This Time To Grow Your Brain!
2.) Better yourself.
Look into your future. It can be a scary time if you are laid off and you don’t know where you are going from here. It may not feel like it now, but now may be the time for you to think, plan and make new goals for the future. Were you happy with your last employer? I mean really happy or did it just put food on the table? Was your job just a pay check to pay your bills? Maybe now is the time to learn a new skill, make yourself more marketable, update your resume and really assess your skills. You may be scared, but this can be a blessing in disguise.
Learn something new. Develop new skills. We spend most of our lives at work. Think about learning more about something you LOVE to do. Something that makes you PROUD.
Use This Time To Grow Your Brain!
For the first time ever in my lifetime, literally everyone can relate. You are bored, and you are frustrated not to mentioned scared. I get it; trust me I really do. Again we are all in this together. You finally have the time that you have always wanted and now you don’t know what to do with it! The only freedom we have right now is time. Cherish it and make it work for you.
Do you realize that you have the opportunity to actually change your routine through all of this. You may not want to. If you loved the way life was before Covid 19 and you want your old life back, then stick to that routine. Go to bed and wake up as if nothing changed. Keep the same patterns; shower and get dressed and go about your daily routines but in your home. But if you weren’t happy with your life, you have the time to consider changing your lifestyle!
Let me help by giving you three suggestions to consider now that you have all this time:
1.) Pick up a new hobby.
Whether cooking or crafting or exercising or reading, there are so many great hobbies out there that people don’t have the time for through the hustle and bustle of the everyday rat race. People get caught up and say, “I don’t have time.”
Learn Something New That is Fun.
Something you look forward to doing. Would you feel better about your job if you were helping people? Would you love to go to work if you were working with animals or if you were traveling? The way I see it, this tragedy has wiped the slate clean clean,giving us more level grounding. Everyone will be looking for jobs at the end of this, and although there may be great deal of competition for hiring, at the same time more opportunity opens up.
Use this time to prepare yourself for the competition and the demand. Remember as one door closes another door opens. Prepare yourself. In this day of technology, you can learn almost anything online. So, learn and prepare. And again, don’t forget that you are not in this alone!
Stay In Touch
And my last suggestion:
3.) Zoom, Facetime, Skype, Connect
Stay connected with your loved ones that you can’t see every day. You have all of this time and you can keep in touch. You may even rekindle old relationships with awesome technologies such as facetime and zoom. Take advantage of this time. Perhaps TIME is your gift through this pandemic.
My daughter had her first son on March 13th, my first grandson. Scary, YES! Living in New York, the epicenter of the Covid 19 outbreak. Yes, very scary. He was due April 2nd but had to be induced for medical issues. Scary indeed. Then we were told no visitors at the hospital. She had him early enough that her husband was allowed to be at the birth, which was another gift. I couldn’t imagine her having to give birth now or even just days after she did. We were so blessed.
Although I was only able to meet him once, before the lock down in NYC happened, I see him every day through our video chats and I still feel extremely connected. I’ve watched him fill out, gain weight, open his eyes and become so much more alert through our daily zoom sessions. And, I’m GRATEFUL for the lock down because that is keeping them safe and us healthy during this critical time in history.
In addition, I have reconnected with friends and family that
I haven’t spoken to in a while because we often feel there just is not enough time. This time has given me opportunity to think about who and what is important in my life and has led to my reaching out to some that I have not made time for in years. We are all in this together and we all need one another to get through this together. Reach out, connect and let people know they are important to you.
I am very grateful that I am able to still see my clients and offer people services that can help them get through this stressful time. If you are interested in meeting me over the phone, through zoom or skype, and want to talk through some of your fears and emotions, I would love to meet you as well. I am here to offer strategies, techniques, advice, or simply to connect with someone through this time, I am here. Yes, this is an awful and scary time, nothing I ever could have imagined happening in my lifetime. The severity of it is real and the unknown can be terrifying. Now is the time to change yourself for the better and to gain the strength you need to get through this crisis.
Just like you, I have time to help you develop skills and strategies to be ready for the future and of course, from behind a computer screen, while social distancing. Stay safe. Remember you are not in this alone! Join me on facebook today! ReplyForwar
Covid-19. Crazy times. How are you getting through it?
Much of life that is beyond our control but rarely are we so aware of this lack of control. Currently, that is all we can think about. There seems to be no control over Covid-19 and that fact is frightening. The medical community is working so hard, exposing themselves to this virus daily to help those infected. All of the “essential workers” are out there everyday doing what they can to keep us able to hunker and hide as best we can from this contagious disease. Unfortunately, there is no better time to surrender to, “Let Go and Let God”.
What does “Let Go and Let God” mean? Obviously, we surrender to the power greater than ourselves. Sadly, we have no power over this virus. It is taking the lives of a significant percentage of our family called humankind. This family of humankind, all over the world, is connected, struggling and fighting to survive this deadly disease.
Perhaps We Should All Pray
Suddenly becoming aware of how connected we all are, we notice how those connections have fostered the spread of this virus. The virus itself is under God’s power. Perhaps we should all pray taking time each day to pray for humankind.
Absolutely be specific and pray for those sick with this deadly disease. Clearly send blessing for those caring for the sick. Particularly ask for help for those carrying the disease that they become mindful and practice behaviors that will stop the spread. Certainly request protection for those who are ill, old and vulnerable to the disease. Especially ask for enlightenment for those who are young and feeling invincible, that they recognize they too need to be socially responsible and become more mindful of their behaviors.
Additonally, let us not forget to include blessings for the world and our nation. Pray we all get through this difficult time and rise to the occasion in doing what we can to help each other out. Ask that we learn to live in a manner that is socially responsible, connected and well meaning, here and across the globe.
What Can We Do?
Specifically what can we do while we hunker down in our homes for weeks, in order to stop the contamination of our fellow humans? Take this time to learn to take care of ourselves. Practice good hygiene and become mindful of our own practices. At the same time, stay away from social interactions. Conscientiously keep safe and healthy. In so doing, we take care of all those around us by not spreading this virus. Right now, this is our only course of action.
Thank God, most families have access to computers or smart phones. Skype, Facetime, Zoom or whatever other technology is out there to check in and connect with those we love. Obviously, encourage everyone you love to follow safe practices: no socializing, good hygiene, washing ourselves, all surfaces, all clothes that have been in contact with the world outside of our homes and stay positive. In addition, remind one another to support one another, love one another and look to the future. This too shall be behind us in what we all hope to be the not to distant future.
Think Ahead. Plan.
Other questions to ask yourself: Firstly, what can we do to feel productive during this time? Secondly, how do we help ourselves? Thirdly, are there strategies to help allay our fears, panic, depression and anxiety. I know that many of us are not working and therefore not making an income. However, the bills don’t stop piling up. Lack of money does not feed our families. Although this is true, you are not alone. Most of the population has these precise concerns.
We have time to get through. Nothing will rush our getting through this. We are all in the same situation. Bills will pile up. If there is no money coming in, you can’t pay those bills. Hence, the government has declared a state of emergency. Many of us are feeling like we can’t trust the government to take care of us. Maybe we can’t. So what can we be doing now, while hunkering down for 3 or more months?
Why not learn a new skill? Create a new you to market when life is up and running again. Think ahead and plan for the future. Almost everything can be learned online. Allow yourself to get creative. Permit yourself to get optimistic. And finally get moving forward even if you don’t leave the house!
This is the time that you never have time for! Use it. Think ahead. What will the world be looking like in a few months or more. What will be needed? Can you prepare? Additionally, how can you participate in what the world needs? Think creatively. Furthermore, be the best you can be now and in the future.
Addiction Can Hit Anyone. Don’t Let It Be YOU.
Life turned upside down and inside out. My beautiful, wonderful, charming, fun loving and fun sharing son, caught up in the world of drugs, lost his life in April of 2018. Let me share some of what I have learned over these challenging years.
Don’t Let It Be YOU.
First of all, addiction can hit anyone so don’t let it be you. Addiction is a disease. No one wants or chooses to be an addict. It’s an insidious disease that creeps up on you while you are growing up and are not in a mind set that allows for good decision making. Often times it develops before your brain has even developed fully; before you are able to make good decisions. It develops during a time when you are experimenting with various behaviors, trying to grow up, trying on grown up behaviors, socializing, drinking, partying and just trying to fit in. Adolescence, the most difficult years, because you are trapped between childhood and adulthood, is often the time when addictions can take over.
Adolescence is a Difficult Time.
During adolescence, you work so hard at growing up. You think you make decisions about who you are, what you do, and believe will lead to good results. However, you are confused, insecure, and attempting to develop your own personal identity.
The young person begins to separate from parents. He/She rejects what the parents want. This happens at a time when the adolescent doesn’t know much about life or where to go in life. Someone offers drugs. All these young people, many friends are doing the drugs. So the unhappy adolescent tries it, never expecting the drugs to take over. Unfortunately, the addict doesn’t know he’s an addict until s/he starts with drugs.
You May Be Born With Addiction
I believe an addict enters the world with his/her addictions. Pay attention to family history. Are there addicts or history of mental illness in the family? Cousins, grandparents, aunts or uncles? If the answer is yes, you are at greater risk for substance abuse and addiction. The addict has no idea that s/he may have an allergic reaction to drugs or alcohol and so s/he experiments. S/he tries a substance and finds s/he likes the feeling of getting high. S/he likes the altered state the substance gives her/him. So, the experience is enjoyed and repeated over and over again.
Additionally, more drugs introduced. More drugs experienced. Nothing bad has happened, explore more? Move on to more addictive drugs. At the same time, you are in this vulnerable stage in life. Your altered state makes you feel good. You still don’t know who you are and what you want to do with life, but the substance makes you worry less about life and decisions you need to make. Drugs allow you to escape your anxieties. You continue to use, explore, expand your experience with drugs. Eventually, you are addicted.
Addiction Is Not A Choice
Unfortunately, there is no free will. Choice doesn’t exist. The cycle builds momentum and becomes bigger than you. Living in the “underworld” of drugs, crime, lies, deception. You’re drowning in the insanity of addiction believing there is no way out because you “have” to get high. You need the drug. And the drug runs you. Now and for the rest of your life, you are an addict.
Say No To Drugs; Don’t Even Try Them.
Firstly, be aware of your family history and teach your children when addiction runs in your family. Tell them, don’t take the risk particularly, when your risk is high. Drugs not only ruin your life taking away all of your potential for a happy and healthy life; they often take your life. Don’t get caught up in the insanity of addiction. This insanity makes you believe you control how far this goes but you are out of control. Love yourself. Be patient with yourself. Allow yourself to grow up healthy. Don’t start using drugs. You don’t know if you will have an addictive reaction. It happens fast. Don’t let it happen to you. YOU MATTER. ADDICTION CAN HIT ANYONE. DON’T LET IT BE YOU.
Gratitude Is The Attitude….
Believe In Them: They Are Our Future!!!!
I spend a lot of time working with young people. In understanding the young person, I have a lot of interaction with the adults that are in their lives. I hear complaints like: she or he is just lazy; she or he has no motivation; she or he just doesn’t care; she or he has no respect. When I speak to the young person the complaints sound more like: she or he never listens to me; you have to earn respect to get respect; school is drag, when am I going to use any of this stuff in life; why should I care? The thing that bothers me most however, is the young person today doesn’t know how to dream.
When I ask what they like to do, most of the time they state, I just like to chill with my friends. What does chilling mean? It can mean just hanging with friends. It can mean sitting around playing video games. It can be hanging at the park or walking the neighborhood. It never looks very productive but it’s the time when they are most happy. No demands from the adults who call them lazy, no expectations from the adults thinking they are not motivated, no judgments from adults, and being part of a group of friends. The adult world doesn’t like the way chilling looks. There is always a large group. They can be loud, cursing, and carrying on in a way the adults don’t think is appropriate. But the fact is, that most of the time, they mean no harm; they really are just “chilling”, letting off steam and experiencing that feeling of belonging in a world that is very confusing to them.
What worries me more about young people today, is when you ask them what they hope to have happen in their lives, what they hope for the future, they have no idea. They don’t have any dreams. They don’t know how to dream. What have we done as a society that has taken away the child’s ability to dream, to look to the future and to fantasize about what a great life they will have? How did we take away the young person’s right to look to a bright future and how do we get that back?
It’s very difficult for a person to be motivated when you don’t see the effort will lead somewhere. If you don’t have a dream, you may not have a direction or a goal. You do a lot of floundering without direction and goals. If you believe that no one believes in you, it becomes difficult to believe in yourself.
When you’ve grown up watching people jumping out of buildings because the building had been bombed in the name of religion, you wonder what life is about and what to have faith in: you wonder who will have a future. When your siblings and their friends go through college only to graduate and find there are no jobs, you wonder why bother. When your parents work long hours to provide for you and your home is destroyed in a hurricane, you wonder, what the heck is going on? When politicians run campaigns that degrade their opponents, you wonder if you should even bother to register to vote. It goes on and on. Watch the news. Read the news papers. Listen to the messages they are getting about life.
We wonder why young people are not motivated or seem not to care. Look at what has gone on throughout their formative years. How have we taught them to dream? What are the values we have raised them with? What messages are they getting from the media, their families, schools and their institutions of faith? How have we as a society grown to become dream stealers and nay sayers? How can we turn it around? How do we help young people believe in themselves and believe in their future?
Let’s not judge young people and put them down. Let’s build them up. Let’s give them values. Let’s teach them that hard work does pay off. Let’s teach them to rely on themselves and to develop their interests and talents. Praise them. Teach them to develop their strengths and talents. Encourage them to have faith in themselves and their ability to develop into successful adults and encourage them to be the creators of their own destiny. Help them create a plan, set some goals, and demand of life success and well being. Believe in them; they are our future.
If you are struggling with your teenager or if you think your teenager is struggling and you don’t know how to help, call 516=236=3290 for an appointment. I have an office in Lynbrook New York but if you are not local, I have skype sessions as well as phone sessions.
What Is Life All About????
This week has been one of the longest weeks of my life and that is because one of the young men, thirteen years old, that I work with, DIED !!!! When this happens, lots of questions surface; ” What is life all about? Why did this happen to him? How could he die at thirteen? How does this make sense?” On and on….. This truly is a heartbreak. This young man was a well adjusted, smart, kind, sweet young man who never got involved in the early teenage “drama”. He was respectful, caring, intelligent and happy. He was also an ONLY child. How devestating is that? How devesating is the whole thing.
When a young person dies, we all feel like something is wrong in the universe. It’s like life has been turned upside down. It is not the natural progression. A parent should never bury his or her child. Other children, their peers, try desperately to find an answer for why this could happen. In this case, there was a dirt bike accident. Sal, this lovely young man, loved going to the country and riding his dirt bike. He was a child who always used his helmet and followed the safety laws, however this time, it was extremely hot, and he went without his helmet. His peers want to think that it’s because he didn’t wear his helmet that he is dead. They want something to blame so they can understand the tragedy. The fact is that whether or not he had worn his helmet, he would not have survived this accident. His bike hit a rock that sent his bike into a tree. His neck was broken on impact. Helmet or otherwise, he would not have survived. Sal had made this trip hundreds of times before this final ride. He simply hit this rock in such a way that the rest lined up and on impact, his life was over. No one could have set this up. It seems so clearly that this was fate. So sad, so tragic. How do we understand?
I’ve been speaking with his classmates and teachers all week. Each person grieves according to his or her own style. One young man, one of his closest friends, couldn’t eat for several days. Another young girl, who considers herself his best friend, put on a stoic look, listened to what everyone had to say, held all feelings in and waited to go to the bathroom, alone, to sob uncontrollably. She prefers to pretend he is still alive. She doesn’t want any reminders of his death so she can pretend he will walk in the door any minute. Another young girl is upset that we can’t sign and paint the handball court where Sal would play every day and is desperately trying to find a way to leave a permanent, artistic display to remind all children, now and in the future, of Sal. She is desperate to not have him ever forgotten. Some cry. Some make jokes. Some just talk about their memories. Others remain quiet displaying their sadness in their facial expressions. How do we make sense of such a tragedy?
These tragedies force us to look at our beliefs. Who had this plan to take this beautiful, bright, wonderful young man? It was certainly no plan of anyone on earth. It has to be the plan of a power greater than all of us. In a moment of time, his life was ended. How does this make sense? How can God let this happen? Is there a God at all? Our minds go in the direction of doubt, anger, confusion, and pain. What is life all about?
I believe that we are put on this earth to learn life lessons. We are born, and eventually we all die. What we do in between those events is what counts. How we learn our lessons and how we apply those lessons determines how our life will go. Sal was sweet, kind, loving and happy. He always lived by the golden rule: do unto others as you want done unto you. He treated everyone with respect and caring. He never got into drama and was never unkind. He lived a life of loving. At thirteen, he knew that happiness came out of goodness and love. Many people live many years and don’t learn that the secret of a good and happy life. They don’t learn that the secret of life is all about love. Sal fulfilled his life’s purpose in thirteen years!
I truly believe that life is all about learning to love one another. I believe everything happens for reason, usually a reason to teach us a valuable life lesson. This young man lived a life of love. He judged no one. He was always happy. He was always caring and loving. He understood what life is all about and lived by love. At thirteen he knew what many don’t get until they are old and grey. He knew how to forgive others and love them no matter how difficult they could be. He loved and everyone loved him back. We all need to learn to love, to forgive those we think have wronged us, and open our hearts to love. That is what I think life is all about and in Sal’s short, thirteen years, he understood what life is all about and lived by it. It was an honor to have my life touched by Sal and I hope we can all learn by his example. Live a life of love. We miss you Sal.