It’s All About Choices. It’s About The Stories We Tell Ourselves And What We Choose To Believe….

I was working with a young lady who is absolutely a lovely person.  However, she doesn’t feel good about herself at all.  In fact, I would say that she hates herself and doesn’t even feel she belongs in this world.   She can’t seem to find a way to belong. She is in her mid twenties and although she has a career goal, that seems to be her only goal.  She has no friends; she struggles with being solely dependent on her family, loving them yet hating them at the same time because she is so dependent on them.

worry2She is simply stuck in this really unhappy place in her own head.  The stories she has told herself, many of which have been reinforced by the people she most loves, keep her trapped and unhappy.  She chooses to believe these stories and stays stuck.  Her fear of changing these beliefs is more frightening than remaining trapped, stuck and very unhappy.  Can you relate?

Many people contribute to the development of your self image: parents, siblings, friends, relatives, teachers, religious leaders and everyone else that comes into your life.  If you are not careful, you could let the world develop your self image rather than you creating you.  I remember having a math teacher tell my mother that “I just didn’t have a math mind.  I was a C math student.”  Now, if I were a different type, I could have accepted that as a part of me and then given myself permission to just be a C math student.  Instead, I was so angry she labeled me that I had to prove her wrong and worked like a dog to be an A math student.  However, when I was in my early years as a student, a teacher told my mother “An Artist, she is not.”  I guess I was too young to get angry at an adult, I accepted this as a fact, and never developed skills as an artist.  We all have to be careful of what messages we give others, but we also have to realize, that it is up to us to accept or reject these so called facts about who we are.  If we accept what others say about us as truths, then we let others determine who we are and what we will become.  Or, we can work really hard and create our own self image.

relaxation 5Who do you want to be an expert on you?  You, or someone or everyone out there thinking they know who you are?  When you give others the power, you will never be happy with you.  When you take responsibility for who you are, you can begin to feel better about you.  Don’t give up the power. That’s when you feel trapped, stuck and very unhappy. Your power is within you.  Find your excellence within.

If You Would Like More From Madelynan Doyle, Check Out Her E-Books!!!

Be sure to check out my E-Books through Amazon.com.

 

Strategies to Beat Depression. Depression, Get Rid Of It Now. Don’t Let Depression Stop You.

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And if you want more on values, beliefs and life philosophies, be sure to read this.

 

How To Find Your Self Through Personal Values: Gain Self Satisfaction and Life Satisfaction: Journey To Your Excellence Within: Limited Discount Edition

 

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Get your own kindle copy to keep forever.

 

Enjoy The Season Of Thanksgiving: Learn To Appreciate

It is the beginning of the holiday season once again. My favorite holiday is probably Thanksgiving Day. You don’t have to worry about finding the right gifts for all the significant people in your life. You simply spend time with those you love and those you appreciate and it’s the time to reflect on all for which you are grateful. You get in touch with your blessings. There really isn’t a better day. Everyday should be  Thanksgiving.

If we spent a little time each day considering our blessings, we would all feel much better. We would look at the world from a position of gratitude and the negativity would fall away. When you stop and think of your blessings, what happens to your face? Can you feel yourself smile or smirk. Doesn’t it bring joy to heart? Of course it does. Life can be challenging and not every situation brings a smile to your face. You may find yourself disheartened or depressed in some situations. But, stop and think. Look past whatever it is that is bringing you down and focus on something for which you are genuinely grateful. Concentrate on whatever it is that you appreciate and feel blessed for having. Concentrate on that feeling of being blessed. Truly be grateful. Feel the blessing. Realize that you are indeed blessed. Once you really feel the blessing, ask yourself, how did I get this blessing? Where did it come from? Then, realize you are not alone. You are loved. You are indeed blessed. Happy Thanksgiving and give thanks.

 

Learn How To Relax….Enjoy Living…

 

Learn to relax.   Enjoy living. Get the techniques you need to feel better, live happier and simply relax and enjoy your life by contacting mdoyle@yourexcellencewithin.org.  Reach out for help if you have trouble finding your joy.

 

  • Learn relaxation techniques
  • Increase Self Esteem
  • Reduce Anxiety
  • Begin setting goals for your future
  • Focus on positive thoughts and change How You Feel

 

Each group teleseminar or telephone session  is only $50.00. Sign up now and I will get back to you to discuss times, convenience and goals you hope to reach through attendance.

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 Individual sessions are $100.00 per session.

  

Don’t Let Life Stress You Out.

Life is short and it is clear that we are going through a difficult time in history.   Unemployment is rampart and underemployment equally as bad.  People with degrees are taking low income positions just to have a job while others are interning without pay just to get experience in hope of eventually getting a paying job. Politicians are closing down government, businesses are struggling to stay afloat the medical professions are trying to figure out how to help keep people get well in a system that has lots of glitches.  Everyone you speak with has a list of complaints.  Ask anyone in almost any profession if they are happy at work and each will tell you things are changing and they are no longer enjoying their careers as they once had.

So, what do you do during these stressful times?  How do you continue to find some joy?  It’s important to find ways to relax, de-stress, and enjoy the little things in life.  Stop, take a moment to visualize a beautiful moment or a beautiful scene.  Relive a wonderful event in your mind. Enjoy it again. Enjoy a smile. treat someone with kindness, take a moment to feel gratitude for the riches you have.  Someone loves you.  Someone is kind to you.  Someone relies on you and trusts you.   These are all riches and gifts in life. Think of all of the riches, large and small.

Much of what life offers involves challenge.  These challenges can bring us down, depress us, devastate us at times.  This type of stress can lead to misery and unhappiness.  There is so much we confront in life that is beyond our control.  The only control you have is control of you and how you react to the world around you. Don’t let the world determine your well being. You determine your well being.

If you need professional help contact Madelynan Doyle, PHD at mdoyle@yourexcellencewithin.org. to arrange for a session.   In the world of technology, help can be a click of mouse away.

Hello Again: It Has Been A While…….

Hello.  It’s me again:  Madelynan Doyle, Phd, counselor, therapist, blogger, mother, friend……..  I’ve not posted in quite some time.  I was beginning to think that my site was a waste of my time and that I was writing for myself without any followers.  I am happy to say that I have an increase in viewing as you can see from the comments and I want to take the time to thank all of you that have read and then taken the time to make such positive comments.  Your comments have motivated me to get back into writing but before I get back into the rhythm of writing on a regular basis , I would like to make my credentials and services perfectly clear.

First of all, I am no website guru.  In fact, technology often frustrates me.  Many of you have asked me where I got my design.  I paid for it through a company who has since gone out of business and although my site looks like a Word Press site, the design was privately set up.  For those newbies who have been asking for suggestions about how to set up a site, my recommendation is to go to Word Press.  They are the best and free.  There is no need for the expense of a privately designed site until your site is  making you money.  For those who have asked about hosting, I would recommend Hostgator.  Hostgator is reasonable and offers tons of technical support and learning tools.  I am technically challenged and rely on their technical support through their chats.  The people in live chat are wonderful. And, for those interested in writing, just write.  Write everyday about anything.    And save everything because out of your writing you will find topics, themes, and work you can expand on.

My real skill and expertise comes in the field of psychology.  I am a licensed counselor and mental health therapist with a doctorate in clinical hypnotherapy.  Although I do not work in clinical psychopathology which requires  medical, psychiatric diagnosis and most often psycho-pharmacology, I do work with everyday, psychological distress that comes along with the human experience.  The process of living includes challenge each and everyday and we are all entitled to experience joy. My goal in therapy and in my website is to show people their inner strength and their ability to find joy even through the toughest life challenges.  So, don’t go it alone.  It always feels better to reach out to somebody.   I offer teleseminars which are really therapeutic sessions over the phone.  If you are not local to my office in Lynbrook, I can arrange a telephone session for individuals or group sessions over the phone.  I teach you to be in charge of your own personal growth and to explore life’s pleasures even in the worst of times.

So don’t go through life’s challenges alone when you don’t have to.  Reach out for help.   Feel free to contact me through my email at:  mdoyle@yourexcellencewithin.org.  Leave a number where I can reach you and let’s see if together we can’t find your joy…..

Happy Mother’s Day

Happy Mothers Day to all woman who have nurtured and cared for a child, whether or not you gave birth to that child. It takes a village to raise a child and I appreciate all the women in my life who cared for or guided me in my path throughout life.  Although mothers have an incredibly important place in our lives, they really could not have done it alone.  Grandmothers, aunts, teachers, neighbors and oh so many more contributed to the development of the child and I would love to thank all of them for their input and their caring.

It is true, however, that mothers have that very special place in our hearts and in our lives.  When we hurt, they were the first we ran to.  Mom would kiss what hurt and make it better!  As we got older, and the hurts were not just cuts and bruises, they would try to find the words to make us feel better and help us find a way to make the world make a little more sense.  Although my mom is not on this earth any longer, I want to just take a moment to say, “Thanks.”  You helped me to accept me and to appreciate my own uniqueness.  You helped me to stand strong in what often is a confusing world.  And most of all, you always made me feel loved. When life offered it’s greatest challenges leaving me confused and upset, you always let me feel things would work out and I was loved. I miss you Mom  and I thank you.

Don’t let this day pass without letting your Mom and all the nurturing women in your life know how much you appreciate them.  Take a moment to reflect.  Give thanks.  And most of all, honor your Mom and all of those exceptional woman who helped you to be the person you are today.  Motherhood is a shared experience.  Honor those who mothered you.

 

 

 

Believe In Them: They Are Our Future!!!!

 

I spend a lot of time working with young people.  In understanding the young person, I have a lot of interaction with the adults that are in their lives.  I hear complaints like:  she or he is just lazy; she or he has no motivation; she or he  just doesn’t care; she or he has no respect.  When I speak to the young person the complaints sound more like: she or he never listens to me; you have to earn respect to get respect; school is drag, when am I going to use any of this stuff in life; why should I care?  The thing that bothers me most however, is the young person today doesn’t know how to dream.

When I ask what they like to do, most of the time they state, I just like to chill with my friends.  What does chilling mean?  It can mean just hanging with friends. It can mean sitting around playing video games.  It can be hanging at the park or walking the neighborhood.  It never looks very productive but it’s the time when they are most happy.  No demands from the adults who call them lazy, no expectations from the adults thinking they are not motivated, no judgments from adults, and being part of a group of friends.  The adult world doesn’t like the way chilling looks.  There is always a large group. They can be loud, cursing, and carrying on in a way the adults don’t think is appropriate.  But the fact is, that most of the time, they mean no harm; they really are just “chilling”, letting off steam and experiencing that feeling of belonging in a world that is very confusing to them.

What worries me more about young people today, is when you ask them what they hope to have happen in their lives, what they hope for the future, they have no idea. They don’t have any dreams.  They don’t know how to dream.  What have we done as a society that has taken away the child’s ability to dream, to look to the future and to fantasize about what a great life they will have?  How did we take away the young person’s right to look to a bright future and how do we get that back?

It’s very difficult for a person to be motivated when you don’t see the effort will lead somewhere.  If you don’t have a dream, you may not have a direction or a goal. You do a lot of floundering without direction and goals.  If you believe that no one believes in you, it becomes difficult to believe in yourself.

When you’ve grown up watching people jumping out of buildings because the building had been bombed in the name of religion, you wonder what life is about and what to have faith in:   you wonder who will have a future.  When your siblings and their friends go through college only to graduate and find there are no jobs, you wonder why bother.  When your parents work long hours to provide for you and your home is destroyed in a hurricane, you wonder, what the heck is going on?  When politicians run campaigns that degrade their opponents, you wonder if you should even bother to register to vote.  It goes on and on.  Watch the news.  Read the news papers.  Listen to the messages they are getting about life.

We wonder why young people are not motivated or seem not to care.  Look at what has gone on throughout their formative years. How have we taught them to dream?  What are the values we have raised them with?  What messages are they getting from the media, their families, schools and their institutions of faith?  How have we as a society grown to become dream stealers and nay sayers?  How can we turn it around?  How do we help young people believe in themselves and believe in their future?

Let’s not judge young people and put them down.  Let’s build them up.  Let’s give them values.  Let’s teach them that hard work does pay off.  Let’s teach them to rely on themselves and to develop their interests and talents.  Praise them.  Teach them to develop their strengths and talents.   Encourage them to have faith in themselves and their ability to develop into  successful adults and encourage them to be the creators of their own destiny. Help them create a plan, set some goals, and demand of life success and well being. Believe in them; they are our future.

The Ride Called Life: Enjoy!

Life offers challenges and often we may feel we are on a roller coaster.  Some days we feel great and we are offered, positive, wonderful experiences and other days we experience events that bring us sadness and strife.  Each day brings us an experience to learn from and grow from: yes, even those difficult days.

I like to believe we are placed on earth to school ourselves for the next dimension:  that experience of everlasting, eternal bliss.  However, there seems to be many  lessons we have to learn before we get there.  Each time we think we are reaching a state of happiness, something will come up to challenge that state: illness, death, crime, divorce, pain and so much more of what life has to offer.  Hence the roller coaster of life.  Stuff happens.  Life happens.  Pain happens.  So, what’s it all about?  I think it’s about forgiveness. I think that stuff offers us opportunity to forgive.

It’s so easy to get angry.  It’s so easy to blame.  It’s so easy to feel hurt.  It’s so easy to think things are happening to you by others.You are driving, heading toward work and someone cuts you off.  You get ticked off and curse or engage in “sign language” you are not proud of.  You feel so angry and blame the driver for being willfully obnoxious.  Meanwhile, the driver was also driving to work.  The driver was actively engaged in thoughts about work.  The driver simply was not thinking about his or her driving and made a mistake.  Was he really guilty of willfully cutting you off.  The driver was literally unconscious.  The intent was not to cut you off; the intent was simply to get to work and resolve whatever issue was causing the driver to not concentrate on driving. But you become angry and upset and the whole experience can set the tone for your day.  Why ruin your day. Forgive the mistake and continue with your day.I think we often convict others of crimes they really had no intention of committing.

How many times do you get upset with your boss, or your boss gets upset with you or a fellow worker and you don’t understand how the boss can possibly be blaming you or your coworker for something done or not done?  You get together with colleagues and create a whole scenario about the situation, with everyone contributing a factor.  Ah, but is the factor a fact or have you all just created a story?

It easy and quick to get angry.  But, what if you took a step back, took a deep breath, and thought to yourself, relax.  Don’t jump to conclusions.  Sometimes people react and v  In doing soent.  Sometimes it sounds insulting and accusatory.  Most often, it’s not really about you.  It’s usually about an internal struggle of the other person. So relax, take a step back, take a deep breath and think.  Forgive the situation.  Often, it’s really not about you as much as it is about other conflicts.  If it is about you, what is the conflict within you?  Forgive and let go.  Don’t create stories.  Stick with the facts and don’t judge.  Forgive and let go and give yourself an opportunity to grow.

For every drop, there is a lift on this roller coaster of life.  No matter what the situation, step back, take a deep breath and relax.  Find the point in the ride you enjoy and concentrate on that.  Learn to enjoy the ride and let the bumps along the way just go by the wayside.  Take your seat, open your eyes and enjoy the ride.